HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
