i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
