i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
