just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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