Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
