Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
