Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Fuck appropriateness.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
