help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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