Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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