You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
