today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
