i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
