i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
