I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
