the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He? As in you personified your dick?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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