college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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