This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
