Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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