god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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