Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
