I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
