Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Mom said you looked used
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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