Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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