hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
