Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
