some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
