I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
