so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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