He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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