Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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