Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
