bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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