So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nutella sex= disaster
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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