He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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