so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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