I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
