you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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