I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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