Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
