when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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