I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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