D3 body, D1 cock
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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