i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
