She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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