They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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