At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
