Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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