My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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