So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
