What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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