How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
