So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
